... Then you know how to live.

"As your doctor, i want to take it out a.s.a.p"

I clenched my fingers. Nervous. I had nothing to say.

"Well, if i don't take it out now.. i can't guarantee you anything. You're lucky to be here just in time... Maybe one day you play futsal and the ball hits your abdomen. Or just anything that can cause it to burst... "

I don't think i want to hear what i'm about to hear. But he's a good doctor. So throw it in.

"... i can probably give you maybe a day or two.. or at most 3 days.. to survive"

I kept silence but tears were falling down my cheek.

My perspective about my life and my surroundings has changed ever since.

I read recently - "You need to know how to die. Then you know how to live".

I still dunno how to die. But if i hadn't been more careful, i might have known. By then it would be too late.

I must admit that i miss my normal life. My fast pace, on the go, no brakes work life. I spent most of my time doing things for the benefit of others in which later reflects my credibility in a most unconventional way. Good and bad. My resume and portfolio is built upon no selfishness whatsoever. I enjoyed every bit of what i do. But i must admit that I was not necessarily happy.

As we speak, i still can't lift up my jug to pour my own water. I still can't lift my laptop. What more to do simple house chores a kid can do like lay the table, wash the dishes or even throwing away garbage.

So i spend my days in silence. Hardly talking because it hurts my lower abdomen due to my slow tissue development. But i do enjoy people's company and chatting online.. Once in a while, I'll have long chats on the phone.

My condition has given me time off from my hectic life.I'm bored, but at least the moment of silence has given me some time to think about my life. My disabilities has eliminated the junks i have to think of everyday. Leaving me to realize what's really important in my life.

My aunt sat next to me one day and said

"Ini masanya untuk fikir..  Betulkan apa yang tak betul. 
Siapkan apa yang tak siap. Habiskan apa yang tak habis selama ni."

"This is the time to think.. Correct what is wrong. Finish the unfinished. Complete what is incomplete all these while."

Probably i'm meant to learn how to live this way.